Things like this are hard to write.
I’m sharing something I have actually sworn up and down I would NEVER post about in a blog or on social media. I seem to be doing a lot of those things lately…things I swore I’d never do. Although, this one really takes the cake. (Pun intended.)
I’ve lived the last decade of my life slowly (but surely) packing on pound after pound. I’ve turned to food in crisis, in celebration, in joy, and in silent moments of despair. I’ve gained and I’ve lost and I’ve dabbled in diets and workout plans, workout partners, and every fad under the sun. I want off the rollercoaster.
I’ve realized in this last year, despite all of my earthly gifts and possessions, my beautiful family, my sweet babies, my businesses, my home, friends, and faith…that there is more. There’s more to life and I have to chase it.
Body image, food issues, weight, size, shape…it consumes us…all of us, in some way or another, no matter our size. I’m over it, to be honest. So, I’m giving it another whirl.
It’s so hard to talk about these things….embarrassing. But why? Why does it have to feel that way? We are all the same…our vices might differ, but our desires are the same. I’m not even really sure what my ultimate goal is, to be honest. Peace with myself, and a healthier body. To feel better in my own skin. I’ll start there.
It’s scary to put things out there that make you feel ashamed. So for anyone who’s ever cried over a plate of leftover pasta…you know…the leftovers from 2 hours ago when you stuffed yourself with the first plate?, this is for you. For anyone who’s ever piddled around a clothing store waiting for people you knew to leave so you could go grab your actual size, this is for you. For anyone who’s ever felt so lonely and isolated, no matter how many people were around you, because you just couldn’t get past the shame of your size, this is for you. For anyone who’s downed a second meal in a parking lot…stuffing yourself so full you were physically ill, but couldn’t fill an emptiness that all along no amount of food could fill, this is for you. And for any other person who might just feel like the daily grind and the stress of life is just too heavy and there must be more. There is more. Whatever that means for you individually, I’m not sure…I just know it has to be true.
So with a lump in my throat and trembling fingers…I’m putting out into the universe that I’m tired of feeling this way, and if you are too, you’re not alone. Let’s do this thing. We can do it.
My only wish and prayer is that long after I’m dead and gone…no matter how things shake out with my life…or how huge or tiny or fat or thin I ever was …that my heart was always the biggest thing about me.
I’m sharing something I have actually sworn up and down I would NEVER post about in a blog or on social media. I seem to be doing a lot of those things lately…things I swore I’d never do. Although, this one really takes the cake. (Pun intended.)
I’ve lived the last decade of my life slowly (but surely) packing on pound after pound. I’ve turned to food in crisis, in celebration, in joy, and in silent moments of despair. I’ve gained and I’ve lost and I’ve dabbled in diets and workout plans, workout partners, and every fad under the sun. I want off the rollercoaster.
I’ve realized in this last year, despite all of my earthly gifts and possessions, my beautiful family, my sweet babies, my businesses, my home, friends, and faith…that there is more. There’s more to life and I have to chase it.
Body image, food issues, weight, size, shape…it consumes us…all of us, in some way or another, no matter our size. I’m over it, to be honest. So, I’m giving it another whirl.
It’s so hard to talk about these things….embarrassing. But why? Why does it have to feel that way? We are all the same…our vices might differ, but our desires are the same. I’m not even really sure what my ultimate goal is, to be honest. Peace with myself, and a healthier body. To feel better in my own skin. I’ll start there.
It’s scary to put things out there that make you feel ashamed. So for anyone who’s ever cried over a plate of leftover pasta…you know…the leftovers from 2 hours ago when you stuffed yourself with the first plate?, this is for you. For anyone who’s ever piddled around a clothing store waiting for people you knew to leave so you could go grab your actual size, this is for you. For anyone who’s ever felt so lonely and isolated, no matter how many people were around you, because you just couldn’t get past the shame of your size, this is for you. For anyone who’s downed a second meal in a parking lot…stuffing yourself so full you were physically ill, but couldn’t fill an emptiness that all along no amount of food could fill, this is for you. And for any other person who might just feel like the daily grind and the stress of life is just too heavy and there must be more. There is more. Whatever that means for you individually, I’m not sure…I just know it has to be true.
So with a lump in my throat and trembling fingers…I’m putting out into the universe that I’m tired of feeling this way, and if you are too, you’re not alone. Let’s do this thing. We can do it.
My only wish and prayer is that long after I’m dead and gone…no matter how things shake out with my life…or how huge or tiny or fat or thin I ever was …that my heart was always the biggest thing about me.
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