It's still very hard to believe that you can wake up every day for a very long time with the thoughts, hopes, dreams, and life changing plans for the tiny human growing inside of you, and in one moment...it's gone. It's still hard to believe you can go through pregnancy, labor, delivery, holding your child in your arms, and leave the hospital with nothing but a broken heart. I still struggle with an overwhelming feeling of longing in every single moment. With empty arms and an empty home, it is hard not to feel robbed of the one and only thing that ever mattered more than anything else.
Yet...despite the fact that I have now experienced the worst day of my life thus far, it is the same day that I laid eyes upon the most precious and beautiful face I've ever seen...and all of a sudden nothing else in the universe mattered.
Life is SO precious, and so delicate, and at times...so unfair. We must keep in mind as we go through the day to day and get lost in the shuffle of "busy-ness" and the daily grind, that in an instant, it can be gone. And that every single person...is someone else's precious angel.
I cling to thoughts of the future...and about the things that I have now that I didn't have before.
...an understanding of HOW incredible the man that chose to marry ME actually is.
...an appreciation for my family.
...an amazement at the amount of people willing to pray for you and support you in a time of need.
...a new found confidence in myself (and my marriage)...that I and we really can make it to the other side of anything.
...a love unlike I have ever felt or known before in my life...and for someone I didn't even get to meet.
And...not many people can say this, but I have held an angel in my arms.
"A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I've tried.
And neither can a million tears,
I know because I've cried.
I didn't have to look into your eyes
to fall in love with you,
I didn't have to hear you cry,
To know you loved me too,
If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I'd climb right up to Heaven,
and bring you home again."
Can't imagine your pain but faith in love and life will see you through and there is always tomorrow!! Stay strong and lean on the ones who love you the most!!
ReplyDeleteCamille, you are such an amazing and strong person. Your beautiful little angel is in God's hands looking down on you. Have peace and comfort in knowing that you will be with her again.
ReplyDeleteCamille, What an amazing picture and little angel! You and your husband are an amazing couple and great parents. Your words are so true that everyday is gift and we need to take a break from all the busy-ness and appreciate what we have and let those we love know it because at any moment life can change. You are so strong and amazing and our thoughts and prayers are still with you during this very difficult time.
ReplyDeleteYour words portray such raw emotion and are truly beautiful... you have a gift to share in your pain. Please know beautiful thoughts and prayers are showering you from everywhere.
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